From larrymac

"meat cake" from larrymac

“Could be meat, could be cake…. It looks like… meatcake!”  — George Carlin

So perhaps I have heard about “Meat Cakes” before, but blocked them from my brain because it a combination of two things I have literally no interest in: Meat and cake. Yes, not only was I a freakish lifelong vegetarian, I also am psychotically uninclined to eat cake. It’s unamerican, I know, but I just am not a big sweets person.

Anyway, I am perfectly willing to try meat loaf or other ground meat shaped into patties or logs or even stars and hearts for all I care. But don’t try and pretend the meat is a dessert item. I am against Tofurkey for the same reason. Seriously people, tofu does not taste like turkey and does not want to pretend be a turkey, and it’s insulting to the tofu, the turkey it’s offensively impersonating, and the vegetarians you are trying to somehow appease by serving a food item that they know perfectly well is not a turkey. When we signed up for the vegetarian label, we realized we weren’t going to be getting to eat turkey at holiday meals anymore. We’re okay with it, really.

Anyway, I digress. So I’ve seen the bacon chocolate bar, and okay, I get sweet and salty, fine. I lived with a couple in college who would quite often fry an entire pound of bacon and eat it with toast, and I understand how fanatical people get about bacon. (If you are among them, here is the mega list of bacon novelty treats). And there is plenty of meat on my list that grosses me out. Tripe, for instance. But I’ve never seen anything less appetizing than this pair of festive “Meat Cakes” made for a baby shower. Yes, a baby shower. I guess nothing says “A baby isn’t going to be what you expected” like a dessert that you think will be a thoroughly delightful sweet treat but turns out to be a much messier delivery that may involve vomiting. Okay, maybe only I threw up a little in my mouth.

Anyway, count me firmly against the Meat Cake. The prettier it is, in fact, the more of a total screw you it seems to me — why in Jebus’ name would anyone want their meat frosted? Here is a huge gallery of meat cakes, you can see what I mean.

A few years ago, when I went to see Late Night with David Letterman, he gave some members of the audience “hamsicles” but it was a joke, people. Please Internets, do not take this as a challenge to make a meat ice cream.  That means you too, Japan.


  1. #
    January 21st, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    that bacon chocolate bar is pure heaven. in fact, i enjoyed two luscious squares of that smoky chocolate deliciousness earlier this evening!

  2. #
    January 22nd, 2009 at 8:45 am

    Ah yes? Well, I will give it a whirl then — what brand do you enjoy?

  3. #
    May 11th, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Is it Ok to take pictures?

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